"Leave Out All the Rest"

i dreamed i was missing, you were so scared
but no one would listen, 'cause no one else cared
after my dreaming, i woke with this fear
what am i leaving, when i'm done here?

so if you're asking me i want you to know...

when my time comes, forget the wrong that i've done
help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest...
leave out all the rest...

don't be afraid
i've taken my beating, i've shared what i've made
i'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
i've never been perfect, but neither have you

so if you're asking me i want you to know...

when my time comes, forget the wrong that i've done
help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest...
leave out all the rest...

forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
i can't be who you are...

when my time comes, forget the wrong that i've done
help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest...
leave out all the rest...

forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
i can't be who you are...
i can't be who you are...

~ "leave out all the rest", linkin park

Happiness

jennifer's happy face at 11:43am - :)!

And Again

so.
i'm a little tired so my thoughts are a little mixed up and random right now... also i have one earphone in my left ear so it's a bit harder to focus with rock, pop, dance, country, etc, and more playing softly in my ear (volume at 1)... :).
anyway let's see where i left off... *thinks while the first minute of stranger plays*... um, okay, so there's this girl from nj and she was like really, really annoying. she seriously thought everybody liked her but in truth not many did; she followed people around everywhere and made some strange comments. but, like, yeah... we put up with her. she brought these stuffed animals and hid them under the covers, i know. at the end, on sunday, she actually gave me a hug and i just like stood there, >.<.
my friends decided i'd room with them for the two nights but on the second night this girl (who originally was staying in the dorm)'s mom told my friend and i that we couldn't stay there and kicked us out. it was weird because she'd put up with it for four nights already. then she told the parents that she was afraid we'd catch a cold sleeping on the floor. lie! she told us there "wasn't enough space", *rolls eyes*.
i think the worst part about the whole conference was riding up and down the elevators; my original dorm (513) was also on floor 5, and sometimes waiting for the elevator can be so slow! and taking the stairs in both the main building and tinglestad (my dorm building) makes your legs ache, especially when you're almost sleep-walking which, i never do :).
info collected from sunday after the first song sung that i can remember/stood out to me: 1 registered from israel (jerusalem, speaker lance lambert); 1 from germany (totally cool!); a bunch from china and those places (haha); people from arizona; austin, texas; of course new jersey; and - 436 from washington, which makes sense, haha :). all in all, those registered at wccc were 1202!
it was a fun weekend to experience God - thank You!

Like Whatever

i seriously do not know what to do. like... agh i'm completely clueless i can't pick a single thing to kill time with, it's so stupid. so... i finally decide on blogging, i know, haha. hmm... story of my life.
the tacoma-thing was great, pretty fun i guess. we like, eh i saw a bunch of friends and met tons of new people but it's like... the friends i really care about aren't there to have a fantastic time with me. which, i didn't have because they weren't there. so, my non-existent fantastic time is still and always will be non-existent.
:)... haha i know yesterday's "blog" was short, but hey i kept my promise, didn't i? alright fine it was really, really, really hecka short but that's okay.
yeah i was just really, really, really tired. i like, fell asleep during the sat night and sunday morning singspirations. it kinda sucked; the last song on saturday was just sooo slow and sunday i didn't have a hymn book so i couldn't sing along and plus we were on the stage with the lights bright. haha, actually, i did fall asleep sunday, not that i'm proud of it or anything. :)
the cup noodles every night were cool, but like there was always someone patroling each floor and like you couldn't sneak out until maybe after 2am, unless you had to use the restroom. the first night i was there (friday), scott (he was patroling floor 5 at the time) came up to dorm 543 and told us that people could hear us from the elevator. ouch!
we played speed and looked at those stupid teen magazines until 3:36am, and in the morning i actually woke up by myself at 6:16! no wonder i was tired... though i can't see how i could be tired on sunday when i actually did get sleep, haha. saturday was not my day and sunday was okay until i got back, then everything got better. :)
the messages were really good, except sunday's main mtg was a little hard to follow on. oh wells, wccc was great.
i have tons more to tell and i'm actually up for blogging today so i'll blog again later.

I Always Keep My Promises

didn't i tell you, i always keep my promises?

Last Time to Say Goodbye

if you read dear, you... love, me i said in there - at least i think i did (haha) - that i get excited about trips and events and stuff and then the night or something, the moment before it's about to happen, i get nervous. i like just don't want to go anymore. and heck, i know it's weird but i guess since i really haven't been anywhere since two years ago when my grandpa (dad's dad) died in taiwan and we went to visit like the relatives/attend the funeral... and i spent my birthday there and everything. so... it was great and stuff i enjoyed it, i love my relatives in a way i guess; they kinda "spoil" my brother and me, :). popsicles and ice cream and dinner out every night and tv and stuff like that for the whole week.
but i'm just talking random now.
you know it's getting better i'm finally blogging again, i think. who knows it could just disappear but that's okay i'll be able to pick myself up again like i can do with my friends and stuff. but like i'm not saying stuff doesn't hurt me just... well... i can fix it.
most of the time. but broken hearts never heal after you...
so. last time to say goodbye, i really am leaving tomorrow. i mean i'm at the sleepover and everything we watched george lopez and now disney channel's the suite life of zack and cody, haha, i know. but i'm just blogging 'cause i miss you guys.
i might blog again tomorrow morning. well take care, i'll see you all sunday afternoon... :). haha it might not make that much of a diff since once i didn't blog for like a week. but... fine. i promise i'll blog sunday if it kills me and i have to stay up and type until my fingers ache to get it in before 12am.
good night! i'm kinda excited, actually. :D.

Dear, You... Love, Me

dear you,
hey so... i really don't know why i'm doing this, exactly? heck i guess it's not really motivation. maybe i've gotten a little crazy over the past year and i just want to do something that really tells the world something about me? gosh, i don't know. it's a blog, lol. aren't they like, supposed to be up there for the world to see?
so i'm leaving tonight, well technically tomorrow and i won't be back until like sunday... you know something about me? i get excited to go places but then like on the day i'm leaving i just don't want to go anymore. it's like i freak out. weird, right?
that song... i miss you? by blink 182? yeah well... i listen to it because... sometimes you miss a person and the only thing you have left of them at the moment is one song. and even if you don't like it, you still listen to it because you love the person more than anything else that really matters. so like... love counts more than some song you listen to. that's why i listen to it... listen to your song.
but tell me this: is it really love if he's breaking your heart?
love, me

Hopelessly Motivated?

i'm going to start writing these random, sort of personal, quiet, kept-to-myself letters from me to just someone who i haven't talked to in a while. and like... you know how it's different if you've trusted someone and you guys were like, best friends, but then all of a sudden you two just sort of fall-out and don't know how to piece it back together again?
yeah.
i'm hoping, well just maybe, this letter-thing will get me blogging more again. i don't know, gosh maybe i'm just hopelessly motivated but i guess it doesn't really matter. i'm not desperate, it's weird, just like... well i blog again, and it makes me feel good and i want to do it again but like it just never happens.
i'm a little sad over something but i'll get over it.
i'm just gonna give this a shot.

Dreaming

i like to think that the reason i haven't blogged in eight days is because i have too many things to say and don't know how to compress it all into one blog. which, technically, a blog is endless but... ah-ha, you know what i mean.
but i am sorry. haha, i think we all say that a lot. i don't want to count. i'm not up for that.
not exactly an easy week but i wouldn't say it went all bad. maybe... hmm... okay i've decided what i want to write: you know how you want to do all these things and you have this huge, gigantic plan on how everything's all going to work out, and you just have to wait until everything actually falls into place? well yeah that's how it is sometimes with me. in ways i like having a busy, packed schedule but then other days i like having a few moments to myself to just think or call up someone i love and talk to them for hours. that kind of thing. and it's hard to decide what you want to do because you just want to do everything.
but ahh i don't know, this is kind of random i don't even exactly know where i'm headed with this, what i'm trying to say.
i guess just... hey you know i'm talking to you - i miss you. and... sometimes i can't blog because i want you to know what's going on in my life but i don't want to hurt myself.
you know?
maybe dreaming really isn't my thing.

"Once Upon a Broken Heart"

once upon a broken heart
i was walking alone in the dark
looking for a way to start again
what i wouldn't give for a friend
there was no love in my life
there was no light in my eyes
all the tears that i had cried and cried
seemed like they'd never end

and i never believed fairytales came true
but now i know that they really do
now that i found you, now that i'm here with you
just look at the sunshine, and you
showed me a world
that i'd never seen
i woke up and fell into this dream
happily ever after just took time
once upon this broken heart of mine

long ago and far away
i could never dream of the day
that your love would come my way and stay
and sweep me away and i...

never believed fairytales came true
but now i know that they really do
now that i found you, now that i'm here with you
just look at the sunshine, and you
showed me a world
that i'd never seen
i woke up and fell into this dream
happily ever after just took time
once upon this broken heart of mine

this is the way a fairytale feels
this is the way i know it's real
'cause this is the way a broken heart heals

and i never believed fairytales came true
but now i know that they really do
now that i found you, now that i'm here with you
just look at the sunshine, and you
showed me a world
that i'd never seen
i woke up and fell into this dream
happily ever after just took time
once upon this broken heart of mine

~ "once upon a broken heart", the beu sisters

Sunday's Smile

it's hard to smile when you're angry (well that's sort of self-explanatory) but still... it takes more muscles to frown than to smile.
i know what it's like to be annoyed; i have a little brother. and he's one big pain. but aren't they all? i think sometimes i just have to keep in mind that there are other people in the world with annoying, younger siblings and it's not just me who's suffering. i'm not all alone in the world; looks like these monsters are all over the place! it hardly matters what you're doing or where you are, you still can't stand them!
but actually, if you think about it, in the end... that younger child is still a pain.
funny thing is... they might just think the same about you. ouch! but of course, why think about that?

Fireworks

i know it's actually july 5 now but i'm not that tired (haha but am i ever? no, not really!) and the fireworks are still going off... which means that it really doesn't matter if it's technically july 5 or not.
i think they stopped now but you know, with the thunder and lightning wednesday night... i thought they'd stopped but then bam they were back. but anyway, the point is the works could be back any second.
i guess i took my own advice and enjoyed the day, or night. my friends and i all went out after church and we watched fireworks, lit sparklers, took some awesome pics and had ice cream. it was a hecka fun night!
you know, you only get to see the sky exploding once a year
it's quiet now. if the fireworks went to sleep maybe i should, too. but then they basically just died for the year (altho we're doing leftover sparklers tomorrow night, maybe) but that's a little dramatic, now, isn't it? g'night!

July 4th

okay, so happy birthday america!
yeah i know you guys probably guessed that i'd blog about independence day but that's just the kind of girl i am. :) but i don't think i'll go googling the whole subject and giving you five important facts, haha. i might be crazy but not that crazy!
but anyway, the fourth of july is pretty "routine" but it's a fun day that only happens once a year and i guess we should all enjoy it. so - stay up late and watch those fireworks explode!
hey, at least the sun's coming out! love you guys, and have fun!

Headache in "Winter"

or should i more correctly say... migraines! *screams* i think i'm about to die here... i haven't had one in at least six months maybe even a year - yes, i know, i'm ecstatic... uggh serves me right for "taking advantage" of my migraine-less year. dang!
it's sorta like winter here again; the sun's out but it's like the kind of sunlight that's cast on january snow. anyway, first on monday and tuesday i was melting then wednesday i was in danger of being hit by lightning and now i'm dying of a migraine headache.
will it ever end?!?! oh, and yes, i know i'm being a little more dramatic than you're used to. XD!

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

when tomorrow starts without me, and i'm not there to see;
if the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;
i wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things we didn't get to say.
i know how much you love me, as much as i love you,
and each time you think of me, i know you'll miss me too;
but when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand,
that an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready in heaven far above,
and that i'd have to leave behind all those i dearly love.
but as i turned to walk away a tear fell from my eye,
for all my life, i'd always thought i didn't want to die.
i had so much to live for and so much yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible that i was leaving you.
i thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad,
i thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had.
if i could relive yesterday, i thought, just for a while,
i'd say goodbye and kiss you and maybe see your smile.
but then i fully realized that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories would take the place of me.
and when i thought of worldly things that i'd miss tomorrow,
i thought of you, and when i did, my heart was filled with sorrow.
but when i walked through heaven's gates, i felt so much at home.
when God looked down and smiled and me, from His great golden throne,
He said, "this is eternity and all I've promised you,
today for life on earth is past but here it starts anew.
i promise no tomorrow, but today will always last,
and since each day's the same day, there's no longing for the past.
but you have been so faithful, so trusting and so true,
though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn't do.
but you have been forgiven and now at last you're free.
so won't you take My hand and share My life with me?"
so when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me, i'm right here in your heart.

- david m. romano

Boys

i know they all say boys aren't worth your tears and the one who is won't make you cry but i don't care; i don't think that's true. okay so maybe crying never helps anything but sometimes... sometimes you just do it not because he's hurting you but because you love him even though he's breaking your heart.
i think no matter what... somehow we still love them. the craziest thing is sometimes we still love them when they're too stupid to love us back.